Couples are saying they like the title of our upcoming book, "How to Coach Your Own Marriage". Why? they say it's intriguing to learn how to do something for themselves.
So, who can do it?
Any couple motivated to grow or change, and willing to take responsibility for the process can learn to coach their own marriage as part of their strategy to strengthen, protect and even heal their relationship.
How do we know this? We see couples do it successfully after we teach them, and we do it ourselves.
Why do we say that it can be part of the solution instead of saying that it is THE solution? Several reasons:
1. We know that some couples need a different approach. For instance, couples that have elements of abuse (verbal and/or physical) in their marriage can see things get worse and become more dangerous when they share honest thoughts, feelings or desires with each other.
2. Some couples need the expertise of a psychologically astute and marriage-friendly therapist to provide insight and to help them navigate potentially fatal mine-fields related to a history of abuse, trauma or severe psychological disorder BEFORE they add or transition to a self-help approach.
How does a couple coach their own marriage? That will be will be detailed in the book, but here's the first key, a question:
WHAT DOES OUR MARRIAGE NEED?
You may already be in the habit of asking this questions, but our experience says that most couples don't. You might tell you partner what you want and/or ask what they want (these ARE great questions), but asking what your marriage needs is very different.
So, once you answer what your marriage needs, what can you do about it?
Jeff and Jill