Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Why Marriage Coaching Works!
Coaching is a new way to work at change that is designed around motivation, not instruction. Coaching starts with what you want to change based on what God is doing in you, and the whole process is arranged to maximize your motivation—because if you are really motivated, you will really change.
Here are a few more reasons why I believe marriage coaching is becoming an essential tool for revitalizing marriages and growing great relationships:
1. It appeals to men. The counseling approach is that something is broken or unhealthy that needs help to be fixed. That is a valid approach, but men tend to react negatively to anything that implies they are needy or have failed. Coaching, by contrast, works with people who see themselves as basically healthy and helps them toward a desired future. It’s much easier to get a man into marriage coaching than marriage counseling.
2. It makes people responsible. In coaching you set the agenda, you set the goals and you decide on steps of action. When you choose what to do, your buy-in is higher, and you take more responsibility to get it done.
3. Coaching focuses on growth. The coaching approach works with healthy marriages as well as strained ones, because it trains couples to meet God in their situation and move forward. Instead of getting healed, couples focus on developing the patterns that produce long-term health and growth.
Jeff and Jill explain in depth exactly how coaching works in this book. They’ve done a great job of applying the fundamentals of a biblical coaching approach to marriages in a practical, applicable way.
Excerpt from Tony Stoltzfus's Foreword to Marriage Coaching: Heart Hope and Skills for a Great Relationship.